Fall is around the corner. For most creative businesses, that usually means busy time, and, for some, it still does. Awesome for those of you in this position. This post is not for you specifically, though I would highly suggest you keep reading for two reasons: 1) there but for the grace of God go I; and 2) empathy for the suffering of so many artists is required of all as we look to turn the page to tomorrow.
We in the United States really did hope that most of the pain of COVID-19 would have been behind us. We were wrong. The suffering and uncertainty continues and the very notion that you will find your way back to the art you love so much is ever fleeting. Yes, there is another side and we will get there. Who cares? You do not have it to make it there – financially, physically, even spiritually.
Two responses: one GFY Sean, you do not know and we will do what it takes. Or, the second, I am so ashamed, embarrassed and distraught over all that has been lost that I just cannot face letting it go. Both are real and I honor each. However, for those that are defiant, might I say that defiance feels strong as you are frozen, even as the earth melts underneath your feet.
How about an alternative? Own all of it. It is your fault (and nobody’s). Be scared, embarrassed, ashamed, even humiliated. Now put it all aside, money, emotion, expectation, obligation and just ask yourself if you can create today in a way that is nourishing to you and everyone around you. Or are you just trying to stay alive until you can?
As the goalpost is still in flux, the depth of uncertainty needs its due. It means that the only question to ask yourself is whether your art matters, mostly to you, any more. If it does not, your answer is clear. Stop. Today.
Quitting is messy no matter how you do it. There is no nice way to end what you have spent a lifetime building when that end is not really your choice (and all too often, even when it is). So just stop and deal with the mess.
I am not tone deaf. The reality of a financial, physical and spiritual crisis awaits. However, the ability to truly let go, acknowledging all of the shame, embarrassment, upset and upheaval is the very space you are going to need to find your way back to center. What do you want to share with the world and why? Art truly does transcend its medium if you allow it to be so. It was never about the thing and it never will be.
The certainty of pain is almost always more tolerable than true uncertainty. Think about that for a second. If only you do this that or the other thing, then things will be ok. Not, I am dying a little bit each day, my voice a little quieter, more generic, more diluted, and it is only getting worse. The first denies you the permission to say enough until it is forced on you, the second asks you to make a choice. Choose to stop.
Choose to stop even if you can make it to the other side, limp along in the GFY Sean realm until the proverbial sun shines again. The reason: you will be a shadow of yourself competing against those that are not. Zombies do not change the world, artists do. No glamour in being the starving artist when no one can see the path for the medium you are starving for.
The path to freedom is never for the faint of heart. Why should the path to this freedom be any different? You were called to introspection the moment you decided to turn your art into a business. You were asked what you wished to share and who you wished to share it with. You are still asked those questions, just now you are asked if it is possible. Too often the answer is that it is not possible.
Choosing freedom means living in uncertainty. Uncertainty brings opportunity and the ability to tell a great new story. Okay, but the Phoenix has to burn. Hope of what might be as justification will just dig you a deeper hole. The future you imagined never was, so now you have to give yourself the ability, the possibility, nee the desire to dream again. Choose yourself, choose your gift, choose art. Stop today. The rest will come.
