Change is really, really hard. It is even harder if it is forced on you as 2020 has done to all of us. Nobody wants to be wrong or to realize that good enough just is not. So we invest in staying stuck, impose artificial limitations on ourselves that, ironically, keep us safe. Instead of evolving to meet the moment we choose to hibernate. Sometimes all you can do is hibernate. Ok. But you absolutely risk the notion that the world may not be as you understood it before you hibernated. I love thinking about what the last one hundred years has given the world, the last twenty.
When confronted with real change, fear kicks in, fight or flight or in many cases stubborn resistance to anything other. Even if you move your art and your creative business towards the change you seek, the shadow anchor is always there, ready to pull you back whenever there is a shred of evidence of “this will not work”. Throw in a pandemic, world upheaval and true chaos and even thinking about finding solid ground is a herculean effort.
It is far too easy to say you have to persist, fight through your fear, believe in the change you seek. Like telling any addict that you have to have willpower and faith to beat the addiction. No, you need humility and you need support from those who have been where you are and/or are willing to walk the path with you. Even if no one has ever been through what we are all going through does not mean there is not wisdom to be gained by those who have experienced upheaval in some other form.
Again, though, too easy to give yourself over to a group or a teacher or a guide to have yourself and your creative business saved. Nobody has the answer except for you. Support only matters if you are ready to actually walk the path to another place.
Let’s then get real about fear. Fear is not about losing business (you never had it in the first place), nor is it about having your creative business fold, nor about not making enough money. No, fear is about rejection, having someone else see you and your art and say “no thanks”. Most of us will do just about anything to avoid the raw and absolute “no thanks”. Our response to the (potential) rejection is to hide.
Here is what hiding looks like: creating art that you are not proud of, for a price that does not work, for a client that does not really care about what you, your art and your creative business offers. There may be sprinkles of yes in your world (with clients that truly value you and your art), but they are dwarfed by the volume (maybe number, but definitely noise) of those that do not. Neurosis is acting out behavior you know to be destructive and irrational over and over again. The momentary high is dwarfed by the reality and scope of the decision. Feeling the “Yes” from any client overwhelms the notion that you NEVER want a “yes” from the wrong client. Throw in the emotionality and uncertainty of today and you get excuse after excuse to live in the fear we all have.
Before you think me condescending, let me say we are ALL scared and fear bites us all at some point. I have chased more than my fair share of nightmares, all along deluding myself that it would work out if and only. It never did and it never does. The wrong client is wrong for the simple reason that they just do not care about what you and your creative business care most about.
We hear all the time about letting go, focusing on your strength, having confidence, faith in yourself and your creative business. Even today. Lovely thoughts that you cannot buy a cup of coffee with. You need to be rooted in a foundation of why. Why you are an artist, why your art matters, why you are worthy of the responsibility to create your art for your clients, and why tomorrow’s version of your art and your creative business will always be better than today. All of these whys are real, tangible concepts you need to live by and forever work on. You cannot face the fear of rejection without them. And even with your whys, you may still be bitten by the fear of rejection, it is that strong.
Change happens drip by drip, detail by detail, moment by moment. This means when you actually need to be rejected by someone you care about and who cares about you, your art and your creative business. You have to ask yourself in this moment if you are hiding in some way. Then you have to become more raw, not less. More resolute in your mission not fuzzier. You will be afraid, you will panic, you will think your world might end. It will not, certainly not the world you truly wish to inhabit at least.
And that is the crucible for today. To find yourself grateful for those that choose other. As you work your way through to deep appreciation for the light in which you choose to stand, you can appreciate those who do not wish to engage with you. You can truly say thank you for telling me that my art is not for you. We are all worthy and there is an audience for us all. You art will find its audience if your creative business never apologizes for it.
The indelible part of humanity is humility. Humility is our acceptance of imperfection and uncertainty and the willingness to act in spite of this reality. The power of fear, ironically, is take us away from our humility and only towards the illusion of hubris. If you permit yourself the moment to know that your art, your creative business matters even in the smallest context, then you permit it to fill the room it will ultimately find itself in. Simply do the work with integrity and purpose for those that see themselves in you. It is, and will always be, more than enough.
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