Maybe it is a sign of the times. We are all inundated with people who want to communicate with us. Email, text, private message, phone and, yes, even snail mail. Even as I write this post I am simultaneously texting and emailing. With all of the bombardment, I suppose it is a natural outgrowth that when we do not wish to communicate anymore we just stop communicating. Cold. Kind of like using text speak and emojis instead of actually writing the words and using, um, grammar.
I am probably sounding like a crotchety grandpa when I say this, but ghosting sucks and yet is becoming more and more of an accepted practice by potential (and actual) clients, colleagues, and sometimes even employees. My opinion but I think it is beyond rude, it is insulting to any sense of professionalism we all hope to embody. Now, I am not talking about spam or even when you are being personally marketed to (i.e., where there is an expectation that you may not respond). I am talking about one-on-one human conversation where someone took the time to talk to you (whether personally or professionally) and share their own feelings and intentions about a relationship with you. You know, a real dialogue. If you choose to not continue the dialogue, of course, that is entirely up to you. However, and a huge however, have the common decency to communicate that you will, in fact, be ending the dialogue.
I am sure those that might be reading this who have ghosted me might be pissed off that I am writing this and am just not with the times. To which, I will ask who exactly you are angry at? Me, the person who took the time to talk to you and respond thoughtfully and as completely as I can, or you who thought it beneath you to respond that I was not your cup of tea? Now let me be very very clear. If you write me back and say no, not now or check in in a few months and we only communicate now and again, if ever, that is entirely different. Sporadic communication is still, ahem, communication and I am good with that. I am talking about crickets on the other end with no response.
Ghosting is bad business, bad juju and an air of superiority you are not ever entitled to. Not a single person is too busy to send a thirty second response, you just think you do not have to. You are wrong. Seth Godin has one of the biggest blogs on the planet, a podcast, tons of books, several learning experiences happening simultaneously and is an incredibly sought after speaker. He’s a really, really busy guy. Write him a personal email reflective of your work and his and he will write you back, usually within two hours, time difference and sleeping hours excepted. And if Seth can do that, what exactly would be your excuse?
Ok. Rant over. The bigger point is what happens when you are getting ghosted and/or awaiting a response? In a business context, what goes through your mind? Do you craft a narrative as to the negative, positive or do you stay neutral?
For most of us, we spin out and go to the negative. The client does not like us, want to hire us, believe we are any good, etc. In the negative, you look to your flaws as evidence of failure to justify the supposed rejection. The thing is though, you have not been rejected. The reality is that there is no information and you truly do not know. And, like it or not, the client has a voice and owns the timetable of her response (even the choice to ghost).
So if you cannot hold the tension of no communication, why not take the opportunity to see the positive, define who you, your art and your creative business are for your potential client and why you believe you are the best fit? Of course, you can just let it be or be innocuous in your follow up, no harm there other than being eminently forgettable. However, if you really believe in the future of the relationship, the best thing you can do is to state it as plainly as you can. “You want a Southern Beach House and my world is centered around doing just that” as opposed to “It was wonderful to talk to you last week, I do hope we will be able to work together. Let me know if you have any questions that I can answer for you.” Your choice.
And then let it go. If you have put yourself out there several times — when you first spoke and then with a follow up (or two) — then let it go and ask yourself whether you would even consider working with this client (or production partner) if they ever decided to reached back out to you. At a certain point, the power of silence shifts to you and it becomes your choice, not theirs, as to whether you move ahead. FYI, unless there is a crazy good reason for the ghosting, reconnection is almost never a positive for you, your art or your creative business as you are likely the fallback. Nobody wins if you are the fall back choice. Just saying.
I firmly believe there is intrinsic value in your art and it should be wholly unacceptable for anyone to dismiss that value summarily. Those who choose to do the hard work of owning who and what they stand for can stand out in a community of pretenders. To do so however, these artists (hopefully, you) will have to run away from the herd and know, really know, that your perspective, experience, wisdom and integrity will overcome those who go about thinking ghosting is an acceptable practice. Ever.
